1. Being a parent is like being pecked to death by a duck.
2. Raising teenagers is a lot like nailing Jell-O ® to a
tree.
3. Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in
touch.
4. Your life’s “Golden Age” is the period in your
life when your kids are too old to require a babysitter and too young to take
the car.
5. Shouting at your children to get cooperation is about the
same as steering your car using the horn … same results.
6. To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, one must be
in their lives today.
7. The best advice regarding raising your children really is
to enjoy them while they are still on your side.
8. Warm hearts, not cold words nor hot heads, best maintains
a home’s temperature.
9. “The Joy of Motherhood” — What a woman
experiences after she puts the last one to bed.
10. Any child can tell you the sole purpose of a middle name
is so he or she can tell when they are really in trouble.
11. Your children may outgrow your lap but never your heart.
12. God gave you two ears and only one mouth so you may
listen twice as much as you speak.
13. The only true child experts are those who do not yet
have any of their own.
14. Cleaning house with the children at home is a lot like
snow-blowing during a blizzard.
15. There are only two things your child is absolutely
willing to share: communicable diseases and their mother’s age.
16. Why is it we can’t get a child to read the Bible at
home, but when in prison they will?
17. Remember this? “When you grow up and have children
of your own, I hope they are just like you!” It worked.
18. How come your dad never had money for the ice cream man,
but after a visit with Grandpa your kids “jingle”?
19. True genetics have nothing to do with hair and eye color.
It’s the occurrence of such things as, “Who said life was fair?” and “Because
I said so!” when you promised you’d never use those words on your kids.
20. “Practice what you preach” even covers never
letting them see you snag those Ding Dongs for breakfast.
(from
The Good, Clean Funnies List)
